All I have left is Hope

I knew the time would come that I have to be far from the people I care most in my life. It was very painful. I struggled to keep myself strong while I put some of my clothes in the luggage. I tried to assure everyone that I will be okay. And I made a promise that I will come back. At first, I thought I could keep what I said, that no matter what I will stay. It didn't happen.

I am now one of the fathers who sacrifice their time of being with their children to make a living thousands of miles away. It hasn't to be this way. I tried so hard to be with them as they grow up. I wanted to see them grow in my eyes, so I could guide them to the way I want them to be. But the world is not favoring my  plan. It took me awhile to see that the world somehow is against me. I fought, we fought but it didn't happen.

As I moved from airport to airport to get to my destination, tears were falling from my eyes. I didn't realize that I confided to this woman who sat beside me. She assured me that things will be alright. This is the moment again that I began asking why some things that happened are just too hard to understand. I wanted to scream to let go of my frustration, and all I have was a heavy heart.

I made a promise.
Things will be alright.
Despite the sadness and longing, I always tell myself that things will be okay.

Metamorphosis

My daughter in her experiment.

This is my daughter doing her observation of the stages of insect metamorphosis. Though, this wasn't a new thing for me but all of us were excited when we saw the butterfly came out from its shell in the final stage. Both girls were very happy as we let go of the butterfly on the very next day.

Metamorphosis is a biological process by which an animal physically develops after birth or hatching, involving a conspicuous and relatively abrupt change in the animal's body structure through cell growth and differentiation. This is what Wikipedia shows when I looked for the more comprehensive definition of the word.

I call it transformation. I find this process to be all-inclusive. It speaks of all experiences that brought people to change. Experiences that cause people to doubt, and surmise the way the universe spin. The way it creates a person is imperceptible. I can't recall how many times I had a transformation myself, in a way that I did not recognized. But I was told and I thought that this probably is how everyone's life is drafted. 


Change, transform. Metamorphosis.

Choices

Picture Credit:www.scoop.it

When we were little, we often got punished and reprimanded of breaking the rules or not following the things that we are told to do. And as a young child, we used to feel being rejected, or unimportant after getting the punishments. And some people are so eager to get over this stage of having a parent who’s going to watch every single mishap they've made.

I think I had the best childhood because of the presence of my siblings and parents, yet those moments that I was being punished for things that I've done wrong weren't worth telling. Like for instance, being paddled by a broom because of acting so badly when I was not permitted to go watch movies on a weekend. Yeah, it is not worth telling. But here I am, as a parent and as an adult missing those moments where someone I looked up would tell me how awesome or how awful the choices I made.

Living life is always about making choices. Nobody can figure out whether the choices we’re making are the right one’s for us except us. And it is very difficult to tell especially if you’re a person who wanted to make sure that the way ahead is laid right for you. These are uncertainties, a force that holds you away to where you believe you’re heading.

It is very hard to make the right choices. I made lots of wrong ones in my life, but here is

what I learned over the course of time – have faith.

The Bus Trip

Photo credit: www.tc.gc.ca

In one of our PDs, our principal asked us to read a book which was about a bus, whose driver has already know the passengers he has everyday. He hasn't only know them by name but by their everyday experiences and struggles. I just can't recall the author and the title of the book, but I know I have it in my shelf. I was just reminded by the story because of the very long trip that I did recently from the south all the way to the east coast by bus. That was the first long trip by bus that I ever had. Inside the bus, I saw people coming up and down in every stop. One guy who happened to sit beside me was not a native of this place, just like me. And so we share the same story and the same sentiments. It was a long conversation about how to live life and successes and struggles plus adversities. And then, he realized it was his time to get down from the bus. We said each other goodbye and he tapped my shoulder to say good luck to my future plans. People get on the bus and come down as they get to the destination.

And so I looked at this whole thing being similar to opportunities that come and go. Most of the time we have it, we loved and enjoyed it and we thought it won't slip away from our hands. I admired the people I know who were able to keep the opportunities they long all there life making it a long trip. As I told the man who was seated beside me in the bus, if we missed one opportunity, surely we're not going to miss the next one that come next. Opportunities are like bus passengers. They come up and down the bus, and so while they're up, enjoy they're presence in your travel.

So that we'll all get to our destination fulfilled and not with regrets.

Light and Shadows

I think this one is a language of an artist. Like the one used in painting, probably by using a charcoal or even a plain regular pencil. But I found these words "light and shadows" as a description of what all of us have been through in life and to the perspective of an artist, it is simply making the painting look perfect is to use a combination of lights and shadows. I'm not an artist (though I desire to be one) but I used to watch them paint on sidewalks and inside the malls and observed how they intricately brushed every detail of their subject before they hang it for display.   

We are our life's artist. When we started to sketch what our life is going to look like, we were like artists making dirty sketches on a pad. Just like an amateur who cannot decide on a subject, and he doodle on anything that he could think of.  Some of the lines he made are dark, some are light. And if we thought it is really really bad, we often toss it in the trash can.  A fact that tells us that life isn't always about luck, or serendipity or good fortune. It comes in all packages.

Be your life's artist. Paint your life's portrait to perfection using a good contrast of light and shadow. Look back with the choices that you made in the past that makes the real you today. Yes, those are your shadows that makes a good contrast of your life. Embrace it and be thankful because it make us more of who we are.

 The key to fulfillment is acceptance. Acknowledge the real us without any camouflage. 

Time is as Precious as Gold

Photo credit: Mona Liza Letigio "Sunset by the Lake"

There is always time for everything. Life isn't always busy as we thought it is. The true reason why we tend to forget important things that we wanted to do is because of the fact that when unusual events happen in our life, it will stir up our thoughts and will make us forget the priorities. And so we ended up forgetting important dates and meetings and even the much needed appointments. And even forget about the scheduled family dates that we highlighted in our calendar. Things can easily mess up our minds especially when unpleasant and unexpected things happen.

Believe me, I and my beloved wife forgot about our special day several times! But we just smiled when we found out and admit the fact that we were so caught up with what all of the things happening around us. Some situations can just get way in our heads and can blow us up sometimes, and I'm sure everyone experience that. Is it a sad fact? Yes it is. To justify in our case, at least to us, we have two girls who are looking up at us and students that we need to attend each day so that we have to keep up with everything that we do. We struggled to do our routine each time, and responsibilities seem to keep adding up each day. And I thought, life is always like this if we would not take control and put our hand on it.

Time is precious because we can never do things that we were supposed to do when the time is gone. I tend to say this all the time;  "I was supposed to do this yesterday," and the same line I am going to say the next day and it becomes my favorite line. While the work keeps on adding and adding each day in our life, it is important to think of the priorities and the ones that we missed. And I realized that inorder to do this, a simple quite moment is needed. Take a mild walk in the neighborhood, or by going into your backyard to breathe some fresh air. Even getting into your room and having a little silence to yourself is proven effective. Well, at least to me. I find it important to take sometime of silence to listen to my thoughts especially when situations seem so deranged. And after that, I can go back to work again.

Time is gold, so that we can never let certain circumstances ruin our plans. We can never go back to the time that was wasted but we can always go back to the plans that we did not accomplish and start all over again. Thanks to our God for the ability to reflect, the ability to re-focus and the strength to do the things He has planned for us. :)

COMICS

Photo credit: http://komiklopedia.wordpress.com

I was amazed by how my 8 years old daughter can draw close-to-perfect images of people's faces, to cartoon characters and even two dimensional objects with her own fine details in it. Now that I stayed home for quite a while, often I could see her with a bunch of paper and pencil in her hand sketching from time to time on just anything that she can think or things that she will notice on TV. At times, she will even ask me what I want her to draw and oftentimes, I told her to look around. Each moment I looked at her drawing, it brought me a picture in mind of my first notebook that has all my first sketches.

Back in time, before I started school, I was already fascinated by the pictures in the comic magazines - which are so popular at the time. I remember, some of my friends in high school would even cut classes because they just want to stay at the comic stand from across the road in our school, just to read their favorite comic story from name comics like Wakasan, Liwayway, Hiwaga, Aliwan, and many others. At that time, we would spend 25 cents to every comic magazine we read.

Photo credit: http://komiklopedia.wordpress.com

My mother would never give us spare money to read comics, and besides, my brother used to bring us a lot of comics from the city where he worked. I have no idea if he bought all those, or if it was given to him but we found ourselves grabbing and swapping each copy and reading it silently in our own corner of the house. That was the time that I started to recognize the difference in the way the pictures were illustrated in each stories. And they were different because they came from different artists. Mar T. Santana and Joey D. Celerio were my most favorite. Every time I read a comic magazine, I always looked up for their name in the title.

I missed those times that I could spend time reading my favorite comics. I searched the names of my favorite comic illustrator to find out that they were already gone. I just love their art, the way emotions are shown in each pictures, and lay out, and most of all, the consistency.

Well, as teacher I'm glad I know a little bit how to draw. And believe me, each time I make simple sketches on my white board it will definitely get the attention of my class. Thanks to the Maestros I mentioned above. They do not know me, but certainly they had an influence on me through their drawings.

I never had found reading comics as a waste of time before, and in fact, I personally believe it helped me with my sharp intuition,  imagination and creativity. And also, I was the fastest reader back in kindergarten!

One of my pencil sketches.

Photo credit:http://komiklopedia.wordpress.com

Dancing with the Vampires

Sounds creepy. Yeah, that is me in the picture wearing the stripe black and white bonnet dancing. But these folks who were with me were not blood suckers. We were just having fun this cold fall, but feel like winter night.

A party with Zombies and Vampires!

Life can sometimes be like "go where the wind goes". Remember how strong the super-storm Sandy was that hits the east coast lately? Kind of like that, but most of the devastations are not visible in the eye. It's more of inside, tearing down what's left for you to hold on. Our instinct tells us not to let go, and just continue to get a grip on anything. Anything that we thought are strong, and powerful to resist the seemingly insurmountable test of faith.

But what if at certain point in life, we just let go? What if we became tired and weak of gripping, and our arms and hands just gave up? I thought, it would just be safe to go where the wind goes. It should not be a safe travel for sure. It should be scary and dangerous. There could be lots of barriers. But I just thought, that after the wild and reckless, and destructive wind speed, everything will go back to normal. A relaxing breeze that we want to feel each time that life gives us heavy burden. That is why a lot of us wanted to be at a place where we could just feel the relaxing breath of fresh air. Where we are at peace. And we could think.

I love to dance like a debonair. A carefree. It surely is reviving. And yes, vampires do exist but is not in the picture of the ones we know. They are more human this time. They are more camouflaged. They suck not blood but the energy that we need to fight back with the storms in life. That is why I learn how to dance with them.

Project Ipad with Donorschoose

There was a problem with the smart board I have in my class, so I went to the technology room to grab an overhead projector. As I was pushing the projector cart to my room, a student blurted out: "Mr. Letigio, it looks like we're going back to the 70's with that!". I was actually laughing when I heard what the student said, but I just told him,"Hey, we'll just make use of what we have at this point."

I refused to believe what I just read from most of the teachers forum, with one donor says that teachers only want an Ipad in class to be their toy, where they can play angry birds during breaks.  Teachers deserve the technology that they need in class especially to these generation of learners where students already have their own sophisticated cellphones, and tablets and computers at home. And in irony, they don't see any of these technology in their own classrooms

I thought my projector and laptop would be enough, but I was challenged when one of my students told me that in the school where she came from, her LA teacher has a set of Ipad for them to use. Then, I thought, the school was probably not in recession but behind my mind, I need to upgrade my use of technology in class.

Please support my project at Donorschoose.org  by clicking on this link:

http://www.donorschoose.org/mr.letigio

If the link is not working, please come back in later time. The team is still reviewing my proposed project and it would take a while. Thank you for your support.

Happy Halloween, 2012!



My daughters, Rossie and Riza trick or treating on halloween, 2012.

We celebrated my daughter's 4th birthday 5 days ago, and I thought, "Yeah, right. Halloween is here, then, Thanksgiving holiday. Then, christmas." By the time we gathered together to celebrate my daughter's birthday, and I know it has become a culture to us to come to our house in halloween costume, especially with the little kids and eat dinner together and then, we were reminded that yes, after the halloween, all the holidays are in the corner.

Nearly 8 years ago, we celebrated our All Soul's Day and All Saint's Day with our families in the Phil. Although there was no glamour of wearing the most expensive costumes but we enjoyed visiting our deceased family and relative in their graveyard, and some folks are actually partying with them bringing food and drinks in their grave. In the night of Nov. 1st, we used to gather together as a family and offer prayers to the souls of our departed families. After the prayer, we come and eat together as a family and welcome kids and neighbors treat and tricking and have them eat and play with us.

Now that I am thousands of miles away from home, all I can do is just recall my memories as I saw the kids treat or tricking in the neighborhood. I felt a sudden sadness while I watched my girls knocking at my neighbor's door. At that moment, I decided to go with my girls to the main street and be with the rest of the kids in town enjoying the display for halloween. It is something that cannot replace my childhood experience during halloween but at least, I have them experience the moment.

Lately

This is one part of the Rock Hill Riverwalk. We used to come 

here on late afternoon or early evening to relax and take a 

gentle walk and feeling the cool breeze of air. So relaxing, that 

you'll forget the stress the day brings.

Things are falling into place...I guess. Just being thankful that despite of the too many unstoppable, out of hand circumstances, at least, me and my wife are still on our sanity. Well, our two lovely girls helped us a lot to overcome those feelings of losing our hope and or not being in control of our emotions. To those people who knows us and knew what we've been through lately would surely understand what I am talking about.

It is only like this. Life is always about finding the way through good times and bad times. You have to deal to every situations. You have to think and be logical on dealing with something big. In other words, there is no place to being too emotional. It is not helping. Maybe it would help by bringing out the heartache inside, other than that, no. I realized that when you are facing a situation that is beyond your means to control, all you have to do is to raise your hand. Not in defeat, but surrendering it to the one who is omnipotent, the one who is in control of everything. There is no such thing as being hopeless, because there is always hope. I learned that a lot. And it is always to our advantage if we look at things positively, that there is always a reason to everything that happened. I am a big believer of that.

Just keep the faith. :)